Build Peaceful Relationships
(with others and with yourself)
Chapter One Negative Minded Cave People
Thousands of years ago humans lived in caves.
Danger was everywhere so they had a “negative mind”. Bears. Tigers. Other cave men would happily dong each other over the head and steal another’s cave and cave woman. So, their negative mind kept telling them, “Watch out”! “Don’t trust this one”! They became more and more cautious and untrusting. So the human race survived. Humans wouldn’t be here without that negative mind.
Chapter Two Ego
Alongside this Negative Mind sat the Ego. Whereas Negative Mind threw up Warnings, Ego threw up The Temptation of Possibilities for being a Winner. (More about Winners later)
In the shadows, hardly noticed, lay the propensity for moderation or neutrality, (anything that wasn’t Negativity or Ego). Those who noticed and fostered neutrality or moderation were seen to be not your average Jo or Joanne. They were revered as Wise Men or Wise Women but at other times feared as Wizards and Witches. Negativity and Ego saw most of them burned at the stake. Millennia went by like this.
Chapter Three The Wise Self
This area in the shadows beyond the Negativity and the Ego we might call our Wise Self. It’s where we develop empathy, kindness, responsibility, the ability to stand in someone else’s shoes.
It’s where we grasp that we have responsibilities to others. This begins with sharing the crayons. It continues into doing our bit, doing our chores. It goes on to delaying our own gratification for a short time in order to let someone else have a go. And as we grow up, Responsibility To Others keeps developing. But, it’s battered around by the winds of Negative Mind and Ego along the way.
Chapter Four The Modern Mind
Today our mind is very much about Winning, being right and knowing. Opinions abound! Everyone knows. Everyone’s opinion is valued. (Even if the world’s scientists are explaining the opposite!) Not knowing is not valued. Not listening abounds. What about ME! I have RIGHTS!
Winning has become more and more important and in ever changing ways. Lies play an ever growing role in the creation of conflict. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and to each other. Sometimes, politicians lie about the other team. Sometimes, separated parents lie to their children about why they separated. Sometimes, news reporters lie to sell newspapers or get clicks. Sometimes people have to lie to keep their job and earn money to survive. It’s critically important to be right even if we have to lie to be right and to win!
Chapter Five You don’t have to believe everything your mind says
Relationship and economic pressures have become the new modern day “bears and tigers” These are the two key drivers of the negative mind today. Many of these pressures are real. But, these real concerns can create hyper-caution, fear, a tendency to catastophize and create distorted “stories.” (Our mind is trying to “look after us”) It’s not always helpful!
Chapter Six The way forward
This negativity and this ego; they’re not your fault. They’re primitive sub-routines!
But! (heh heh) … now that you know what’s going on, it’s your responsibility to begin stepping back … from what’s going on!
Could we live in less negativity, in less conflict? Could we step back from the automatic overly “bear-aware” state of mind that perpetuates the whole negative phenomena that pull us down from where we could be; a happier, more peaceful, more brilliant, more creative, more intelligent, race of beings on a miraculous, extraordinary planet in infinite space?
What if we could … “change our mind”?
Wouldn’t it be good if there were a way?
Well … actually, there is a way …..
There’s a very learnable set of very comforting skills, latent within us, that we can gently prod, and then allow to awaken, and, ultimately, give us access to a better experience of our selves.
A very short history of and user-guide to the human mind